Another open letter.
Dear Liam,
Whilst we at ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com appreciate the lighter mood of your most recent blog, we feel we must re-enforce some ground rules. We feel it should be noted that if we do happen to have a slightly blotchy complexion, it is more than likely to do with the STD you sprayed on us in our sleep. You are lucky we didn't press charges at the time. As I'm sure you are aware Josh and Ainsley of ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com are near-perfect, and should be treated with respect, and like royalty. We fear your latest blog verges on making a slight mockery of us, and this shall not do. Consider yourself warned.
Also, you now work at the BBC. We have been waiting for you to make the first move here, but feel a gentle nudge in the right direction is in order. Perhaps you should consider leaving our blog open on a few computers there. A television deal with the BBC would be something we'd consider. Quite frankly, a break from Jane Austen dramas could do them a world of good, and a nice X rated television show about a delicious hag, her beautiful fag and a whole lot of trouble would be gobbled down by an eager British public, starved of actual entertainment. They may not know it yet, but they will soon.
All this aside, you are still considered to be our friend.
Just dont push it.
Love you! Xxx
November 20, 2009
November 17, 2009
It's Byron, bitch..
Due to popular demand, Ainsley and Josh are bringing their comeback tour down under.
A&J: The circles tour. (Tix on sale from Fri)
As the world is aware, the comedic duo of Josh and Ainsley has had its fair share of troubles in the past. Thrust into the media glare at the tender age of 17 (Josh was 15) they have lived the later years of adolescence and early adult life in the spotlight. Once media darlings, the world turned on them after a string of number 1 hits. A quickie marriage, baby bump watch and rumoured breast implants did not help, though it wasn't just Josh spinning around on the rumour mill. Ainsley was pictured cutting her hair off and driving erratically with Mr Finn on her lap, much to the dismay of the RSPCA. After some less successful albums and a very public meltdown (Josh was pictured attacking the paparazzi with what appeared to be a giant black dildo) they have returned triumphant with their new album 'Circles'.
Featuring such hits as womanhater and If You Seek 'K'(then check in my pocket), their tour starts in Byron Bay for one night only on the 5th December!
Don't miss out!!
A message from the team at Blogspot.com:
Like the slow spread of herpes, ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com is expanding. That distant thunder you've been hearing is not the effect of Global Warming, rather what we over here at blogspot.com call the 'Ainsley and Josh effect'. For many years this website has been devoted to giving you, the common people, a voice. From surly emo's to whiney backpackers (yes, you) we have been patient and nurturing. It has been suggested that we became lax with the quality of who we allow in. A brief look into most blogs and this is proven. It wasn't until a certain duo arrived on our cyber-shores that we sat up and took notice.
All of a sudden here was real talent. With brains and beauty they prove you don't need to be an angry twelve year old with a box of black hair dye and kohl to write a good blog. We have decided to throw our support 100% behind ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com.
With the arrival on Australian shores of the infamous 'Lauren' (mentioned many times within the blog) they have decided to expand and have invited her to contribute. We here at blogspot.com believe this to be a wonderful idea, and look forward to finally receiving some male perspective.
A&J: The circles tour. (Tix on sale from Fri)
As the world is aware, the comedic duo of Josh and Ainsley has had its fair share of troubles in the past. Thrust into the media glare at the tender age of 17 (Josh was 15) they have lived the later years of adolescence and early adult life in the spotlight. Once media darlings, the world turned on them after a string of number 1 hits. A quickie marriage, baby bump watch and rumoured breast implants did not help, though it wasn't just Josh spinning around on the rumour mill. Ainsley was pictured cutting her hair off and driving erratically with Mr Finn on her lap, much to the dismay of the RSPCA. After some less successful albums and a very public meltdown (Josh was pictured attacking the paparazzi with what appeared to be a giant black dildo) they have returned triumphant with their new album 'Circles'.
Featuring such hits as womanhater and If You Seek 'K'(then check in my pocket), their tour starts in Byron Bay for one night only on the 5th December!
Don't miss out!!
A message from the team at Blogspot.com:
Like the slow spread of herpes, ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com is expanding. That distant thunder you've been hearing is not the effect of Global Warming, rather what we over here at blogspot.com call the 'Ainsley and Josh effect'. For many years this website has been devoted to giving you, the common people, a voice. From surly emo's to whiney backpackers (yes, you) we have been patient and nurturing. It has been suggested that we became lax with the quality of who we allow in. A brief look into most blogs and this is proven. It wasn't until a certain duo arrived on our cyber-shores that we sat up and took notice.
All of a sudden here was real talent. With brains and beauty they prove you don't need to be an angry twelve year old with a box of black hair dye and kohl to write a good blog. We have decided to throw our support 100% behind ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com.
With the arrival on Australian shores of the infamous 'Lauren' (mentioned many times within the blog) they have decided to expand and have invited her to contribute. We here at blogspot.com believe this to be a wonderful idea, and look forward to finally receiving some male perspective.
November 12, 2009
He said, "Don't let your future be destroyed by my past." I said, "Dont let my door hit your ass."
An Open Letter.
Dear Liam.
Here at ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com, we greatly appreciate your blog membership and all the comments that you bring to our site.
However, you recent behaviour, well, it’s getting us down.
As you are well aware Ainsley and Josh are complex, intrinsic, metastasised pods of wonder and amazement, but as you may know from the popular trilogy ‘Lord of the Rings’, ‘with great power, comes great responsibility.’ This in relation to Ainsley and Josh, basically means ‘Ainsley and Josh are really great, but they have both meditated themselves into the most sensitive and desired paradigm of superiority, so exclusive and volatile, it can easily be shaken to its core by a little bitch complaining all the time.’ Yes. We are superior to you…in every way. Yes, we are better looking than you. Smarter. Sexier. Funnier. More successfuller. Better at speaking good. Yes our blog’s better. But this doesn’t mean that you should just feel obligated to ejaculate your acid burning, bitey problems onto us… just cos we are all those things above better than you and many more I couldn’t think of because my time is that much more precious than yours.
Don’t…no don’t cry.
Oh don’t do that.
Oh now you’re making me cry!
Oh Josh is getting weirded out/turned on.
Oh now you’re all blotchy and ugly and because we are so pure and godlike we are unable to look at ugliness in its rawest form.
(Now speaking from behind a curtain)
Now, Liam. We know it’s not all you. Something has made you this way, turned you into a knapsack of emotion. My top five causes of your increased whineyness:
(1) Your current location of London Ingerland leads me to believe that perhaps something in the air or water over there makes people whiney, crying for their mummy, nancy boys.
(2) Being away from Ainsley and Josh of ainsleyandjosh,blogspot.com is hard. Of course you’re Sad. Who wouldn’t be?
(3) The cold. Oh the cold. It pains me to think of how small your testicles are. Tiny, scared, searching for the light.
(4) An STD? Whingeyitis is a hard one to shake, I should know, Josh had it about a month ago...
(5) You’re gay, I’m sure I’d be deemed homophobic if I didn’t say your whiney wah wah’s was, in some part related to your genetic gayness. Maybe the high altitudes of travel triggered some sort of synaptic malfunction, causing you to take on the ‘sammy sad face’ persona usually observed in straight men.
But fear not Liam, I can stop you being a little shit face everyone hates. Read on petal, read on and find yourself k-yord KYORD I SAY! AMEN!
T’would only be fair to elighten you by power of all my charkas aligned, Liam, meet my top 5 ways to get you out of the Mr. Mopeys.
(1) You’re in Mother Fucking London! Mother Fucking London! It’s amazing! Not what you thought it would be like? Then you’re not going to the right places mein freund! Sure, customer service is lousy, lower than lousy, but Sainsburys! Trash Mags, Tesco! Cheap Books and Gigs! It’s ok to be in a pub at 3pm on a Tuesday, everyone else is! Hyde Park! Piccadilly Circus! Red buses, cute black cabs with cabbies who know where they’re going! And they speak ENGLISH! Sydney can only dream!
(2) You’re working at the BBC! The BBC! You are peaking! You will never be more than what you are at this moment. You’ll be like the hot girl in high school who’s ass got big! The BBC!
(3) Yes, you’re away from Ainsley and Josh of ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com. But reality is we’re having fun without you. We’re meeting better and funnerer people and we will most probably de-friend you from Facebook before the year is out! So don’t pine for us…we’ve moved on and already forgotten you.
(4) I spoke to your parents in Coles the other day, they feel the same as (3).
(5) Sydney is humid and there is the slight smell of rancid fish in the air.
Well, I hope that makes you feel better, I’m sure it did. I sure feel better for getting it all of my chest.
xx
Dear Liam.
Here at ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com, we greatly appreciate your blog membership and all the comments that you bring to our site.
However, you recent behaviour, well, it’s getting us down.
As you are well aware Ainsley and Josh are complex, intrinsic, metastasised pods of wonder and amazement, but as you may know from the popular trilogy ‘Lord of the Rings’, ‘with great power, comes great responsibility.’ This in relation to Ainsley and Josh, basically means ‘Ainsley and Josh are really great, but they have both meditated themselves into the most sensitive and desired paradigm of superiority, so exclusive and volatile, it can easily be shaken to its core by a little bitch complaining all the time.’ Yes. We are superior to you…in every way. Yes, we are better looking than you. Smarter. Sexier. Funnier. More successfuller. Better at speaking good. Yes our blog’s better. But this doesn’t mean that you should just feel obligated to ejaculate your acid burning, bitey problems onto us… just cos we are all those things above better than you and many more I couldn’t think of because my time is that much more precious than yours.
Don’t…no don’t cry.
Oh don’t do that.
Oh now you’re making me cry!
Oh Josh is getting weirded out/turned on.
Oh now you’re all blotchy and ugly and because we are so pure and godlike we are unable to look at ugliness in its rawest form.
(Now speaking from behind a curtain)
Now, Liam. We know it’s not all you. Something has made you this way, turned you into a knapsack of emotion. My top five causes of your increased whineyness:
(1) Your current location of London Ingerland leads me to believe that perhaps something in the air or water over there makes people whiney, crying for their mummy, nancy boys.
(2) Being away from Ainsley and Josh of ainsleyandjosh,blogspot.com is hard. Of course you’re Sad. Who wouldn’t be?
(3) The cold. Oh the cold. It pains me to think of how small your testicles are. Tiny, scared, searching for the light.
(4) An STD? Whingeyitis is a hard one to shake, I should know, Josh had it about a month ago...
(5) You’re gay, I’m sure I’d be deemed homophobic if I didn’t say your whiney wah wah’s was, in some part related to your genetic gayness. Maybe the high altitudes of travel triggered some sort of synaptic malfunction, causing you to take on the ‘sammy sad face’ persona usually observed in straight men.
But fear not Liam, I can stop you being a little shit face everyone hates. Read on petal, read on and find yourself k-yord KYORD I SAY! AMEN!
T’would only be fair to elighten you by power of all my charkas aligned, Liam, meet my top 5 ways to get you out of the Mr. Mopeys.
(1) You’re in Mother Fucking London! Mother Fucking London! It’s amazing! Not what you thought it would be like? Then you’re not going to the right places mein freund! Sure, customer service is lousy, lower than lousy, but Sainsburys! Trash Mags, Tesco! Cheap Books and Gigs! It’s ok to be in a pub at 3pm on a Tuesday, everyone else is! Hyde Park! Piccadilly Circus! Red buses, cute black cabs with cabbies who know where they’re going! And they speak ENGLISH! Sydney can only dream!
(2) You’re working at the BBC! The BBC! You are peaking! You will never be more than what you are at this moment. You’ll be like the hot girl in high school who’s ass got big! The BBC!
(3) Yes, you’re away from Ainsley and Josh of ainsleyandjosh.blogspot.com. But reality is we’re having fun without you. We’re meeting better and funnerer people and we will most probably de-friend you from Facebook before the year is out! So don’t pine for us…we’ve moved on and already forgotten you.
(4) I spoke to your parents in Coles the other day, they feel the same as (3).
(5) Sydney is humid and there is the slight smell of rancid fish in the air.
Well, I hope that makes you feel better, I’m sure it did. I sure feel better for getting it all of my chest.
xx
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