Hell Hag No Fury...

He's absolutely right. Not about me creating a super hag, that's just ridiculous. I don't need a scientifically engineered 'super' hag to bring down the gay community. An article in Elle magazine about lesbians being the new gays would suffice...you'd be out faster than those Aladdin pants...

But he's right about hags in general. We ARE under-appreciated. There's always little snide jokes about how much a hag depends on her gay:
She wants to get him drunk and feel him up
She want him to get drunk and feel her up
She believes he's the only man that will ever satisfy her emotionally
She wants him to father her children
She believes he will end up with her when the gays have dried up (literally, with sun damage D&G style)

That's what she's hanging around for, right? They gays have nothing more to offer, right? And the gays laugh along because, end of the day, they're just recreating the high school hierarchy, with them as the cheerleaders now.

But it's a hags shoulder you're looking over as you sip your espresso in a sleazy cafe in oxford street.
It's a hag you're ignoring when you're flirting with an ex-fuck on the street.
It's a hag you're trampling over as you're throwing a cute gay up against the wall in Stonewall.
It's your unprotected hag that's being thrown daggers and bitched about with snide 'There's too much vagina in here' remarks from all those cute gays.

But when those cute gays have disappeared and you're being thrown out of Stonewall for I don't know, falling asleep or something, who follows you? Who is walking you home?

Your hag.

Who is keeping you from getting bashed in Straight town?

Your hag.

Who's with you at the sexual health clinic?

Your hag.

Who talks AIDS and pubic lice with you?

Your hag.


She's a Super Hag in her own right.

The hags brought the gay bashings to Oxford Street?
Well, maybe we wouldn't be dating such homophobic losers and bringing them out with us on Saturday nights if our gays could spend just one night enjoying our company without trying to score with the next cute POA that walks up to the bar.

I mean, can you think of time when the situation was reversed? Your hag left you in a straight bar alone while she's grinding hips with some random on the dance floor? Yeah, didn't think so. Because we enjoy your company, we don't feel the need to go off and and get off because we're having too much fun with our friends.

I'm not saying we want to be your Martha ball and chain, we don't want you to die alone and never get fucked again (That's the title of a Tori Amos song right?). We don't want to control your lives and be your number one priority, or any of the other things from the list above.

But on the occasion that you go out with your hag you should be out with your hag and satisfied with that. That's what we straight girls refer to as a 'girls night'. You spend so much time avoiding conversations about her vagina you forget that she's a lady who should be treated with respect. You don't have to like her bits, but you do have to show that you care about her 'everything else'. Because, one day you might wake up and your hag will be married with children, living in a mansion in Wahroonga, not wanting to introduce you to her family because "I don't know, That was all quite a long time ago wasn't it..? Besides, I don't think Henry would approve. He's quite religious..." Your lesbians will be with their life partners and their pet dogs. And I ask you my gay friends, where will you be?