Hollow-Weiner

The ancient, grand Australian tradition of Halloween is upon us. Costumes are being prepared, Watermelons are being carved, and candy is being bought to entice young children into our rooms.

As Ainsley paints Adelaide red, Josh is painting his face red, in an effort to make himself look like he has been bashed close to death. That's right, in a twist of fate Josh will be attending Lauren's halloween party as the victim of a gay bashing. Controversial? Yes. How does one make oneself look bruised an battered? He's been looking at photos of Rihanna in order to ensure authenticity.

Lauren has returned, bringing back the male energy to our group. Testosterone seeps from her skinny pores, and, quite frankly, turns us into quivering lumps of lust and desire.

Josh, try as he might, cannot cope with Ainsley being in Adelaide. It is too far, too long, too wide, too thick... mmmm... But enough about Doug. With her so far away he has had to resort to getting his fix elsewhere. It turns out the homeless man in Paddington can't do vicious, cut-throat insults very well. He just wants beer. So he's at least like Ainsley where it counts. Sitting in the newie with a urine-soaked bum just doesn't have the same feel. So instead I decided to try with him what I've always wanted to do with Ainsley, and we made out for a while.

Sydney is not the same without her. I don't think it's being too overly dramatic to state that the entire city has shut down, and is in mourning.

I shall not smile, until my beloved has returned to me. Or at the very least until something funny happens.